Happy International Women’s Day!

What, you didn’t know it was International Women’s Day.  You probably did, only because Google said so but it’s been 100 years that the day existed.  I wrote an article on Hollaback!.  Take a moment to check it out and then let’s get back to talking about being Jews.

Yesterday at work I met two gay Jews.  They were both male, both awesome, and neither of them questioned “how” I was Jewish and instead were like, “go homo Jews!” and gave one another hugs and high fives.  I appreciated their lack of question. It may have been because they were gay and understand what  it is to be “other.”  I wonder what an amazing place it would be if you didn’t have to question or qualify anyone.

Mirs and I have been having serious talks about race and ethnicity.  Mainly to do with her concerns about raising black children, who are Jews with two mommies but also to do with topics she’s discussing academically.  White privilege is the topic in her classes and it seems that it’s making the white people uncomfortable.  When, let’s face it.  If a white person cannot or choses not to understand the privilege they get based solely on their skin color, they’re lying.  If you google White privilege you’ll find the following list by Peggy McIntosh:

1. I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.

2. I can avoid spending time with people whom I was trained to mistrust and who have learned to mistrust my kind or me.

3. If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area which I can afford and in which I would want to live.

4. I can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me.

5. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed.

6. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.

7. When I am told about our national heritage or about “civilization,” I am shown that people of my color made it what it is.

8. I can be sure that my children will be given curricular materials that testify to the existence of their race.

9. If I want to, I can be pretty sure of finding a publisher for this piece on white privilege.

10. I can be pretty sure of having my voice heard in a group in which I am the only member of my race.

11. I can be casual about whether or not to listen to another person’s voice in a group in which s/he is the only member of his/her race.

12. I can go into a music shop and count on finding the music of my race represented, into a supermarket and find the staple foods which fit with my cultural traditions, into a hairdresser’s shop and find someone who can cut my hair.

13. Whether I use checks, credit cards or cash, I can count on my skin color not to work against the appearance of financial reliability.

14. I can arrange to protect my children most of the time from people who might not like them.

15. I do not have to educate my children to be aware of systemic racism for their own daily physical protection.

16. I can be pretty sure that my children’s teachers and employers will tolerate them if they fit school and workplace norms; my chief worries about them do not concern others’ attitudes toward their race.

17. I can talk with my mouth full and not have people put this down to my color.

18. I can swear, or dress in second hand clothes, or not answer letters, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, the poverty or the illiteracy of my race.

19. I can speak in public to a powerful male group without putting my race on trial.

20. I can do well in a challenging situation without being called a credit to my race.

21. I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group.

22. I can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world’s majority without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.

23. I can criticize our government and talk about how much I fear its policies and behavior without being seen as a cultural outsider.

24. I can be pretty sure that if I ask to talk to the “person in charge”, I will be facing a person of my race.

25. If a traffic cop pulls me over or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven’t been singled out because of my race.

26. I can easily buy posters, post-cards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys and children’s magazines featuring people of my race.

27. I can go home from most meetings of organizations I belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance or feared.

28. I can be pretty sure that an argument with a colleague of another race is more likely to jeopardize her/his chances for advancement than to jeopardize mine.

29. I can be pretty sure that if I argue for the promotion of a person of another race, or a program centering on race, this is not likely to cost me heavily within my present setting, even if my colleagues disagree with me.

30. If I declare there is a racial issue at hand, or there isn’t a racial issue at hand, my race will lend me more credibility for either position than a person of color will have.

31. I can choose to ignore developments in minority writing and minority activist programs, or disparage them, or learn from them, but in any case, I can find ways to be more or less protected from negative consequences of any of these choices.

32. My culture gives me little fear about ignoring the perspectives and powers of people of other races.

33. I am not made acutely aware that my shape, bearing or body odor will be taken as a reflection on my race.

34. I can worry about racism without being seen as self-interested or self-seeking.

35. I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having my co-workers on the job suspect that I got it because of my race.

36. If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it had racial overtones.

37. I can be pretty sure of finding people who would be willing to talk with me and advise me about my next steps, professionally.

38. I can think over many options, social, political, imaginative or professional, without asking whether a person of my race would be accepted or allowed to do what I want to do.

39. I can be late to a meeting without having the lateness reflect on my race.

40. I can choose public accommodation without fearing that people of my race cannot get in or will be mistreated in the places I have chosen.

41. I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help, my race will not work against me.

42. I can arrange my activities so that I will never have to experience feelings of rejection owing to my race.

43. If I have low credibility as a leader I can be sure that my race is not the problem.

44. I can easily find academic courses and institutions which give attention only to people of my race.

45. I can expect figurative language and imagery in all of the arts to testify to experiences of my race.

46. I can chose blemish cover or bandages in “flesh” color and have them more or less match my skin.

47. I can travel alone or with my spouse without expecting embarrassment or hostility in those who deal with us.

48. I have no difficulty finding neighborhoods where people approve of our household.

49. My children are given texts and classes which implicitly support our kind of family unit and do not turn them against my choice of domestic partnership.

50. I will feel welcomed and “normal” in the usual walks of public life, institutional and social.

y-love

 If you google a bit further you will also find an Ashkenazi checklist from the Jewish Multiracial Network

 I can walk into my temple and feel that others do not see me as outsider.
___ I can walk into my temple and feel that others do not see me as exotic.
___ I can walk into my temple and feel that my children are seen as Jews.
___ I can walk into temple with my family and not worry that they will be treated unkindly.
___ I can enjoy music at my temple that reflects the tunes, prayers, and cultural roots of my specific Jewish heritage.
___ I can easily find greeting cards and books with images of Jews who look like me.
___ I can easily find Jewish books and toys for my children with images of Jews that look like them.
___ I am not singled out to speak about and as a representative of an “exotic” Jewish subgroup.
___ When I go to Jewish bookstores or restaurants, I am not seen as an outsider.
___ I find my experiences and images like mine in Jewish newspapers and magazines.
___ My rabbi never questions that I am Jewish.
___ When I tell other members of my synagogue that I feel marginalized, they are immediately and appropriately responsive.
___ There are other children at the religious school who look like my child.
___ My child’s authenticity as a Jew is never questioned by adults or children based on his/her skin color.
___ People never say to me, “But you don’t look Jewish,” either seriously or as though it was funny.
___ I do not worry about being seen or treated as a member of the janitorial staff at a synagogue or when attending a Jewish event.
___ I am never asked “how” I am Jewish at dating events or on Jewish dating websites.
___ I can arrange to be in the company of Jews of my heritage most of the time.
___ When attempting to join a synagogue or Jewish organization, I am sure that my ethnic background will not be held against me.
___ I can ask synagogues and Jewish organizations to include images and cultural traditions from my background without being seen as a nuisance.
___ I can enroll in a Jewish day school, yeshiva, and historically Jewish college and find Jewish students and professors with my racial or ethnic background.
___ People of color do not question why I am Jewish.
___ I can send my child to Hebrew School/Young Judea camp without him/her being subjected to racist slurs from other children.
___ I am not discriminated against in the aliyah process as a Jew of my particular ethnicity.
___ I know my ethnic background will not be held against me in being called to read the Torah.

http://thatblacklesbianjew.blogspot.com/

What Mirs and I have been discussing is whiteness in America.  Before I go on, to what some may consider a rant, let me just say that I love my white, Ashkenazi partner.  I know that when we have children I will be raising children that are part Ashkenazi and part white so I do not have an issue or problem with Ashkenazi Jews or white folks…I just find it interesting and it’s what we’ve been talking about lately.

still from jews or color round table

So, in our chat we talked about the ability for groups of people to become White.  There is a book called “When Jews Became White Folks” that’s on my list of reading.  But it wasn’t just Jews who became white.  Nearly any race that could, did in order to assimilate to the world they immigrated to.  Italians, Jews, Russians, Irish, anyone fair enough to pass as white did, thus stripping themselves of their culture to avoid being an other.  When you’re Indian, Asian, Latino, or Black you don’t have that privilege.  The skin color you’re born with always “fails” and in any situation the jig is up-you are an “other”.

Add to that homosexuality and the fact that I’m  woman it’s a wonder that I would want to purposely add Jew to my otherness…which is where a lot of my discussions about raising children with my partner stem.  How is she, a white woman with 50+ printed privileges supposed to raise children of color?  I asked her what it was like being a Jew in Texas and she sort of got it.  I asked what it’s like to be a woman, to be gay.  True, you can “hide” your gay, although some people cannot, and she could hide her Jew she can’t hide being a woman.  When you are a person of color you generally have a strong sense of self, or at least I do. 

My parents raised me to know that coud go any where I pleased and be anyone I wanted to be.  I was raised to question nothing and everything.  I was raised to fear nothing.  Do people notice that I’m black when I walk into a store, I’m sure but I don’t notice them noticing me because I’m entitled to be there as much as any other person is.  That’s what my parent’s taught me and that’s what I will teach my children.  I’m proud to be a black woman.  I’m proud to be a gay woman.  I’m proud to be a Jew(to be).

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Brief Monday Post…with a Video

I’m really excited to see this documentary by Punk Jews. 

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How do you Jew?

I’m well, how do you Jew?

Hahaha!  Okay, bad joke but I thought it was pretty funny in a really corny way.  I was sitting on the subway early this morning leaving Mirs’ doing what I normally do on the subway-Praying.  I don’t know why I’ve taken to doing it on the subway, it’s not exactly the most sacred space and it’s definitely not a private place or a place that I feel holy.  It usually has to do with the fact that I’m running late and I’m sitting down (usually).  Nearly every morning I’ll open my borrowed siddur and start with the Shema and V’ahavta with the help of the Shabbat Shalom CD I received in my shul’s welcome packet.  I then shuffle through the pages until I get to Nisim B’chol Yom and continue through the end.  I listen to Jewish music while I’m praying and do my best to concentrate and feel connected with God.  I will be honest that I don’t sometimes feel connected and sometimes I feel silly but most of the time it still feels like a great way to start my day.  On the mornings (which are rare) that I’m not rushing, I say the prayers in my apartment before I have my coffee or after getting out of the shower.

This morning, I was thinking about our conversion classes conversation about Jewish Identity and Pesach  observances when I was praying.  I finished and looked up and noticed an Orthodox (or Conservative) man watching me.  He sort of stared and I sort of stared back before we both looked away.  I shrugged it off but wondered, why did he (did he?) care what I was doing.  Whatever his thoughts, I forced him to see a Jew who may have looked contrary to what he perhaps is used to seeing as Jewish.

The way that our conversion class is structured is that the first half hour the people who are in the process of converting sit and talk with a rabbi.  We talk about challenges of our week, we ask questions, and sometimes they ask us a question.  Last night, Rabbi L., who is in “charge” of my conversion, asked us if we had any issues, questions, or thoughts about Jewish Identity.  Being the overly enthusiastic student that I am I spoke up first and talked about what I always talk about here and everywhere-challenging the thoughts of who is a Jew.  On of the students next to me, and one of the other three black women in the class asked me, “What does a Jew look like?”  My answer was, “It depends on where you live.”  My long-term goal as a Jewish woman who longs to be a rabbi, is to continue to challenge Jewish people to see past their families, communities, and comfort level and to encourage an open-mind and open heart with regard to Who is Jewish and How they Jew.  It is also to challenge non-Jews to look outside of their ideas, thoughts, and expectations of who is Jewish.

I personally want to focus on being a Reform Jew with Conservative leanings.  In other words, a very observant Reform Jew.  I have long-term goals to observe some form of kashrut,  Most kashrut laws are in conflict with my conviction to eat locally, sustainable, and organically.  I have a long-term goal to get the communal, cultural, tradition part of Judaism (which I struggle with) melded seamlessly to the religious aspect of Judaism (the part I love and is easy for me).  A long-term goal is to maintain a Jewish home and raise a Jewish family that honors and loves Shabbat in a real way.  A long-term goal is to go to rabbinical school and join or create a shul that is diverse, inclusive, observant, engaging, fun, with real outreach and roots and ties to the broader, multi-racial, multi-ethnic, multi-religious community.  My long-term goal is to create long lineage of Jews.  A long-term goal is to go to Israel.  The list goes on and on and on and on…

As I said in an older post.  The way that I Jew and How I Jew is not always going to be the way that you Jew or How you Jew and it doesn’t need to be.  I’ve been reading Sh’ma online recently and encourage you to as well.  The current issue is ALL about who is a Jew and who says so.  It’s full of great essays on Jewish relations here in the US as well as in Israel.  It’s truly, one of the best collections of multi-faceted Jewish identity that I’ve read in a long while.  It has me thinking and affirming my Jewish choices, my Jewish life, and my Jewish identity.

In our first discussion Rabbi L. suggested that I find a Star of David charm to go with my two hamsas I currently wear around my neck.  The Star of David, more than a hamsa, identifies you as a Jew.  As much as I don’t “look” Jewish-I am.  Wearing an object so easily recognized and associated with Judaism allows people to “see” the Jewish me.  I’d been searching for weeks and remembered that I saw one at an antique store on 17th street called Pippin.  I went to the store after work yesterday and after poking around in their beautiful and tempting wares, I found the piece I’d spotted months before.  It was dull but after a quick rub by one of the associates it sparkled and gleamed like sterling silver does.  I added it to my hamsas.  It needs its own chain because the three charms together clink in a way I’m not fond of, but it’s there.  Around my neck as a bold statement to the world that I am (or will be soon) a Jew. 

my neck jewelry

Just in case you were wondering 47 days until Pesach.

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Changing the Face of Judaism/Judaism’s Changing Face

A few conversion classes ago the rabbi asked how we thought we, a room full of Jews-to-be, would change Judaism.  We all gave answers and today, for some reason, two weeks later I’m still thinking about it.  As converts, we are changing Judaism and as a result the “face” of Judaism will be forever changed.  Things that I like, foods that I like, music I enjoy will inevitably become Jewish Things, Jewish Food, Jewish Music.
As a black woman, that fact seems clearer, or more obvious, but is it?  When I think of my born-Jewish friends I think they all are making changes to Judaism in their own way.  One of my friends is in love with a Catholic man who loves being Catholic.  Whenever I see him lately, it is at Shabbat service and he’s wearing a kippah, clapping, singing, chanting.  He’s there because he loves her and if they get married they will change what Judaism means.  Their children would be Jews because their mother is a Jew but they’d be living in a multi-faith family weaving different traditions into one another-forever changing the fabric of Judaism.
I have another friend who is a born Jew who’s a lesbian (truth be told, I’ve got a lot of lesbian Jewish friends) and we’re all changing the structure of the Jewish family.  When two Jewish women make the decision to spend their lives together and create a family together that family will be Jewish-as both mothers are Jews-but that Jewish family is “different” than what the mind thinks of as a Jewish family.  The family may be secular or observant but that lesbian (or gay) family changes the face of Judaism.
When Jews adopt children from China, Korea, or black boys and girls those children will be raised as Jews and hopefully they will raise their children as Jews and then the spectrum of color in the Jewish religion in the US would be as varied as the faces of Christians and Muslims.
I always struggle with the concept of the Jewish race because I’m a religious Jew.  When emerge from the mikvah as a Jew and identify with all Jewish people my racial make up will still be black.  I’m learning, as I visit synagogues and talk with other black Jews or Jews of Color, that in the US the picture that comes to mind when one says Jew is European.  Even when one says Sephardic Jew, the image isn’t one of a black face, or even an Asian face when there are many black Jews and Asian Jews-born and converted.
Part of the reason I want to go to Israel so badly is to see what the faces of non-American Jews look like there.  Even now, when I see an Orthodox Jew of color walking down the streets of Ditmas Park or Midwood I’m shocked, in awe, and I’ll totally admit I’m captivated.  I actually tried to stop a woman on Coney Island Avenue late summer to chat her up.  She thought I was crazy, of course, and brushed passed me and what could I have expected from her?  For her to chat with a woman who was her same color but definitely not of the same faith.  I was wearing pants and most definitely sporting a low-cut v-neck shirt, she was frum.
Before I made the formal commitment to going through a conversion I attended a few different synagogues in Manhattan.  I was incredibly nervous.  I was sure that I’d be the only person of color in the room.  I was sure that everyone would turn around a look at me, as if a spot light had shone on me.  I was sure that I’d be completely lost.  When I walked into the first synagogue some people looked up, most did not and I was completely lost.  Even now when I enter a new synagogue I get annoyed at the people who look at me, and do not talk to me.  I want to say, “If you have a question, ask”  Other times I think, why should they look and stare?   I have walked into synagogues where no one seems to notice me and I get paranoid that they’re trying to avoid looking at me and become incensed that they aren’t seeing my blackness.
There was a time when, to be PC, people would say “I don’t see race, I see the person.”  That sentiment irked me, and still does today, because I need you to see my race.  I need you to see that I am a black woman and try to understand what that means.  If you don’t see my race then you don’t see who I am as a person.  As a Black Jew, I struggle with identifying as such.  Yet, I am a black Jew and I need you to see that the two can be one.  I may be a convert but my future children will be just a Jews who are black.
In the end all of us are changing Judaism’s face.  We add to it and take away from it what we will, at the same time strengthening it and dare I say, sometimes weakening it?  I like to think that I’m bringing to Judaism my years of Christianity, however faulty they were.  I’m bringing my love of Southern cooking and what it means to bring in a New Year (with black eyes and collard greens)  I’m bringing my love of singing, clapping, and praising God in a way that brings a “joyful noise”.  I’m bringing my questions and doubt, most of all, just me.

This month in Sh’ma, there are great articles on the definitions of Jews along with a beautiful photo essay on what a Jew looks like.  I love meeting Jews of Color and born Jews here and in my life.  It’s a blessing and joy to know that there are so many of us, small threads, being woven into the larger fabric that is Judaism.  I can only hope that our diversity, our ethnicity, and our non-Jewish paths can only enrich the Jewish experience now and in the future.

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God Makes No Mistakes

On Yom Kippur Mirs and I, accompanied by some friends, attended service with hundreds of LGBTQ or LGBTQ-friendly Jews at the Javits center.  Being my first Yom Kippur there were a lot of emotions swirling about my head; hunger, confusion, awe…  Mostly I was delighted to see so many queer Jews seriously praying and repenting before Hashem.  It’s a wonder that we were even there, given the fact that God hates fags (and dykes).

What?  You’ve never seen those signs ’cause I have.  Thing is, I don’t think that God hates anyone.  If you read the Torah or Bible and want to quote certain parts, say specific lines in Leviticus, then you can’t keep out other ones like the fact that God made us in his own image.  If we’re made in the image of God, and therefore godly, God wouldn’t hate him/her/itself.  It just doesn’t make sense.

Lots of right-winged Bible thumping Christians and well-intended Christians and Orthodox Jews and Muslims alike will tell you that what we are doing, who we are as LGBTQ believers is an “abomination before God”  That line is in Leviticus, by the way.  Leviticus also says that you cannot eat shrimp or scallops, lobster or pork but that’s not a line folks like to dwell on.  In fact, they skip over that woman as property part as well as the proper treatment of slaves part siting that we don’t live in those times.  Yet, we live in the times where LGBTQ people who love Hashem aren’t  willing to put up with that shit any longer.

For decades LGBTQ synagogues and churches have been popping up as not only houses of worship but places of refuge for people who love God but feared his demented followers.  Fed up with an inability to be both queer and devout they carved out their own spaces and praised God with the song and joy and feather boas.  All joking aside, LGBTQ people needed a place to call their own just as blacks in America created their own places of worship when they were ousted from white congregations.

I hate to play devil’s advocate but, what has this separate but equal style of worship done for us, in the long run?  Growing up in Ohio we rented our ballroom out to a sweet couple from Alabama; Gina and Dan.  Gina was a skinny, chain-smoking Baptist raised woman who fell in love with Dan, a Jew from New Jersey.  Some how they ended up in Ohio and I babysat their boy, Ethan, on Friday nights when they went to shul.  Gina loved Dan and while I cannot confirm that she converted they raised Ethan as Jewishly as possibly.  Every once in a while, though, Gina would get dressed up in her Sunday best and find herself at our side door waiting to get in the car with me and my “Mama” to Friendship Baptist Church.  Gina was the only white woman in the church and you would not have guessed it by how she raised her hands towards the heavens, jumped out and shouted, “Halleluia!”  and clapped and sang with the best of the church ladies.  It felt odd, to be quite honest, to have this skinny white woman in church with me and why should it?  She’s just there, praising her God.

Something Rabbi L said to me last week when we had our one on one conversation stuck with me and it is perhaps why I decided against choosing a shul based on race or sexual orientation.  I’m paraphrasing what she said and instead have been thinking, what’s the point in 2011 to have exclusive worship spaces?  Can they do more harm than good?  If I only attended a black shul would they accept me as a gay Jew.  If I attended a gay shul would the be able to see past my race.  And if I got to just a regular old shul shouldn’t the see my gay blackness and identify it as Jewishness.  The same question can be asked of Christians and Muslims.  For instance, when I pass the mosque at the end of my block the majority of the people are black…what would happen, I wonder, if a white Muslim came to pray-would he feel welcomed?  I understand why separate prayer spaces were created in the first place but now, with a black man sitting in the seat of the President of the United States is it too much to ask that we learn to accept one another for who we are.  I will admit that there is something amazing about walking into a Be’chol Lashon meeting (as long as it has been) because for one day a month I’m surrounded by Jews of Color.  I love hanging out with my queer friends, even more points when they’re queer Jewish friends but I learn so much from both groups.  And while I truly do understand the need for safe spaces, I’m concerned that they’re not allowing us to experience the other.

There is still a bit of trepidation about going into shul on Friday.  More often or not I am the only person of color there but I feel like I need to be that person of color.  A few months back I attended a service where we learned about Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and the rabbi, a straight married man, insinuated Joseph’s homosexuality.  Apparently, the Talmud makes note of his obsession with his reflection.  It notes that Joseph would spend hours looking at himself in the mirror, that he wore woman’s clothes, that he painted his eyes and that is the reason his brothers hated him so.  Because he was different.  In the end, as you know, it is Joseph that his brothers need.  Joseph becomes the King’s right-hand-man and distributer of food.

So what do you think?  Do we still need gay places of worship, black places of worship or can’t we all just worship as one?

P.S-that little girl is singing the shit out of Lady Gaga

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Honoring Dr. King with Y-Love

Y-Love is one of my favorite Jewish performers.  Here he is reciting Dr. Martin Luther King’s sermon opposing the Vietmam War in 1967.  Like many of Dr. King’s Speeches, the words still ring true today just as they did then.

Happy Tuesday.

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When will December 25th just be a Day

Even as a Christian I was very aware that Jesus wasn’t born on December 25th.  December 25th, the date of Christmas is very close to the pagan Yule Holiday, which is on December 21st, if I’m not mistaken.  The date of Christmas was chosen, I gather, in this close proximity to help the new Christians be more inclined to celebrate this new holiday while forgetting their old one.  I made this assertion as a young adult in high school to the dismay of many of the sisters who ran the school.  Only the infamous Ms L amused my assertions by banishing me to a portion of the room she called the Pagan Babies Section.  We weren’t pagans, necessarily, we were just questioning, intelligent shepherds, rather than sheep.

Still, part of the world actually believes with their whole heart that December 25th is Jesus’ birthday.  I call it stupidity, some people call it faith.  I really don’t care all that much because as a Jew I acknowledge that Jesus was born a Jew.  He died a Jew.  JESUS IS A JEW!  Now before you click away and think I’m one of those Jews that believe that Jesus was the messiah, let me just be clear.  I’m still waiting for the messiah, not idly, just waiting for the rebuilding of the Temple, for Elijah to let us know what’s up-you know, the world to come.

All joking aside, the fact of the matter is that December 25th isn’t yet just another day to me.  It’s still Christmas and this December 25th will be the first time I’m un-celebrating it.  I just e-mailed off an article I wrote for The Sisterhood titled, “Making December 25th Just a Day” in it I talked about what it means for me as a Jew-to-be to be getting very close to a holiday that no longer “belongs” to me.  I read it to Mirs and she thought that I sounded sad, that the article was sad.  It could be that I am sad, that it’s sad, or that I read it in a monotone voice that could be interpreted as sad.  Or, it could be all of the above.  Truth is, I’m sad but not about Christmas per se, just the stuff that goes along with it.  Family, Friends, Family. 

I’m missing my family right now and wishing that I could’ve gotten the time off work to be with them.  As much as I argued for my cause with Mirs that fateful afternoon in SoHo, and as much as I still defend my stance, I’m starting to understand what she meant.  Unfortunately, because only I am becoming a Jew, not my entire family, Christmas will always be a different thing for me versus what it is for them.  Last week when I had Shabbat dinner with my friends we were talking about what Christmas means.  The other Jew-to-be had a hard time last year, she’s been studying privately for five years.  She told us how she broke down into tears on her mother’s shoulder in her living room surrounded by all things Christmas.  It was the first time, she explained, that it didn’t feel right.  I don’t know what that feels like yet.

My apartment is decidedly un-Christmas.  There are no lights, no garland, no carols.  Just my mezuzah, my menorah, my hamsas and the many books on Judaism.  I’ve been reading Entering Jewish Prayer by Reuven Hammer on a daily basis and find the words, the reasoning behind the siddur, and the hows and whys of Jewish prayer very comforting-especially given the time of year.   I’m definitely sad that I will be alone on December 25th.  Most of the distractions I find when I find myself alone will be unavailable to me as not only the world but New York shuts down on December 25th.  It occurred to me that not only is it Christmas but it’s also Shabbat so all of the Jewish-owned stores that could be open will not be.  I’m sad that I will be here in my apartment with a feline that’s sort of an asshole rather than with my family.  I’m sad because I won’t be able to see the delight in my nephews eyes as they open the presents I’ve bought for them.  I’m sad because I’ll be alone.  I’m not sad or mourning Christmas, but what happens on Christmas-time with family and friends.

We’ve got 9 more days until this whole thing blows over.  How are you other converts and Jews-to-be doing?

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Whirl Wind of a Week; Podcast, Noah Aronson, JFREJ, and more…oy vey!

This is going to be one long post, but I will try to be as concise as possible without sounding like I’m rattlling off fun-facts of my previous week.  It’s probably best to start with the most recent and work my way back to last Friday, my Hanukkah party.

1.  Shabbat, this week.

I met a good friend of mine at CBE to hear my buddy Noah Aronson lead the Shabbat service.  As always, he was amazing.  We chatted before service and afterwards, I’m promised new recordings and iTunes soon.  I will keep you all posted.  If you haven’t listened to his music yet, I encourage you to do so!  If you’re in the NYC area get yourself added to the Brooklyn Jews list serve and you’ll be in the know the next time Noah leads CBE’s Shabbat. 

After what turned out to be a very interesting, inspiring, and thought-provoking D’var Torah my friend and her friend, a fellow convert-to-be went out for Chinese food.  Cliché?  Perhaps, we just really wanted fried greasy food.  I was excited to sit down next to a woman who’s going through the exact process that I’m going through but on a totally different level.  This woman is doing an Orthodox conversion and the moment she told me I was instantly fascinated and intrigued.  I asked her many questions and she had many for me but the most comforting part was that I was sitting at a table of women; one born Jew and one Jew-to-be after Shabbat and we were talking about Judaism and it’s many multi-faceted identities.  I’m excited to grow a friendship with this woman because she’s going through the conversion process at the same time as I am.  Because she spent 5 years in private study before committing to a conversion (therefore she knows far more than I do).  Because of her convictions.  Because of her passion for Torah, and for all three of us, our passion for learning Hebrew.  I’m excited to have nailed down Shabbat buddies from three different perspectives that I know I’ll learn so much from.

2. Podcast with the Jewish Forward.

On Thursday I found myself on the twisted, turning cobblestone streets of the Financial District of Manhattan.  I always forget how much I love the small winding streets, the narrow passage ways, and the very real old school New York that is the Financial District until I’m down there.  I found my way to the Forward’s office on Maiden Lane and met with a queer Jewish woman, Nadja,  for an interview/chat for the Forward’s new LGBT Podcast.  We talked for about 45 minutes about everything from my identity as a black woman, a gay woman, a Jew-to-be and everything in between.  The podcast is being edited and I hope to do more podcasts with the Forward in the future. 

I walked away feeling what only can be described as important.  Not because I thought that The Forward or Nadja for matter thought so but for the reason that I was putting a voice, name, face with what it’s like to be a Black Gay Jew.  I don’t begin to imagine that I’m the only queer Jew of Color on the planet but I am one voice.  I don’t claim to speak for all Jews by Choice, all Black women, all Queer Women because I cannot.  I’m only one woman.  On the other hand, it is great to be able to give a voice to those other Queer Jews, Jews of Color, and Jews by Choice to the broad audience of American Jewry.  It was thrilling and frightening at the same time.  I walked away excited and thinking, “should I have said that?”  or “Did that come out the way I intended it?”  “Who’s going to be pissed at me because of this?”  In the end I can only say c’est la vie.  It’s done, I’m excited, and I never waste time on regret.  On a side, but related noted, I’ll be hopefully writing for The Sisterhood.

3. Jews for Racial and Economic Justice

My buddy from Dykes on Bike-Cycles and fellow tribe member, Nikki, invited me to volunteer at the JFREJ annual awards ceremony and fundraiser.  It spent the afternoon working with a diverse lot of Queer and non-Queer Jews and learned a bit about the organization.  I’m chatting with a member of JFREJ later this week and hope to become an active member and supporter of the amazing work they do.

4.  My raging Hanukkah Party

Last Friday we had a Hanukkah Party/Shabbat Dinner for 12 of our dearest and closest friends.  The group of people were diverse ethnically, religiously, and in terms of sexual orientation-although it was pretty gay.  We made a dizzying spread of food and friends stayed way passed the light of the menorah’s blaze to dance and sing in our living room.  It was a great Shabbat dinner because we were opening our home to our friends and it was an amazing Shabbat dinner because we were celebrating Hanukkah.  Moreover, it was amazing to share the important part of our Jewish lives in an intimate way with some of the people we’re closest to.  It was a truly exceptional evening.

In personal family news my only, younger, and beloved sister has relapsed again in her drug addiction.  I’ll be taking some time away from blogging but promise to be back when I’m feeling up to it.  I will say that I’m feeling content in my Jewish spirituality in terms with coming to terms with the consequences of her actions both current and in the past.  I’d only ask that you add her to your prayers on Shabbat.

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3 Days Until Hanukkah

I’m planning a Hanukkah party with Mirs for the 3rd night of Hanukkah.  I’ve not quite settled on my menu, although I know that it will have very strong Middle Eastern influences.  My two Jewish cookbooks are Sephardic and I’ve always been a fan of Middle Eastern flavors, so it seems appropriate.  The third night of Hanukkah is also Shabbat so there will be a lot of candles, wine, and of course challah.   We each have individual menorahs and have asked our friends to bring their own as well.  I’m excited to see her apartment lit by soft flickering lights of the Shabbat candles, the menorah, and the dozen tea lights I plan on buying.

I’m tempted to purchase a lot of Hanukkah decorations but when I start to think about silver and blue garland hung in Mirs apartment I feel sort of like I’m trying my best to not decorate it like Christmas while decorating it like “Christmas.”   I’m just not sure that I want to treat Hanukkah in the same way that I’ve treated the 30 Christmases I’ve celebrated.  Christmas only happens for one day but for the days leading up, the house is ready for its debut.  People are stringing lights, the Christmas trees are lit and plastic figures will start to grace the lawns and porches of neighborhoods around the world.

I remember watching old Christmas movies or reading old books where folks put the Christmas tree up the day before Christmas.  Now, in my mother’s house at least, the Christmas tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving.  Every year she tries to put it up before hand and when we were living at home, we wouldn’t let her.  Now, that my sister and I are gone she’s left to her own devices  not one, or two, but three Christmas trees are up (and have been for weeks) and decorated in her house. 

I will admit that I’m missing Christmas carols.  I’ve actually decided that Christmas Carols that don’t mention Christ, Savoirs, Children, or Angels are perfectly acceptable songs.  I’m also a big fan of lights and I suppose that lights are way more Hanukkah-themed than Christmas-themed.  It’s a slippery slope, though.  It could start with lights and garland to make my apartment feel more “festive” and before you know it ornaments will start showing up.  Where do you draw the line?  The Christmas tree is actually pretty pagan rather than Christian and ornaments don’t have much to do with Christ’s birth…yet they all feel like Christmas, not Hanukkah.

When I start to think of it like that the question begs to be asked-Beside the menorah, what statement piece does Hanukkah have?  More importantly, does it matter?  The mitzvah of Hanukkah is the lighting of candles and the proclamation of the lit candles.  According to most sources I’ve read the menorah’s light is supposed to be visible for the world to see.  It’s not supposed to stay on your table in the living room but in the window.  I always scoffed at the idea of an electric menorah but now I feel like I want to buy one for the purpose of putting it in the window.

While Hanukkah is not a major holiday, the idea of 8 days of “presents” is obviously appealing.  For the past 2 years Mirs and I have exchanged presents for the 8 days of Hanukkah after lighting the candles and reciting the blessings.  This will be the first year that I’ll be doing it as a Jew-to-be.  It’s also the first year that we’ll be celebrating with friends.  I’m going to celebrate it in a major way, with drinks, friends, candlelight and music.

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Resources for LGBTQ Jews

It’s almost been a month since I gave my talk at Be’chol Lashon.  We’re scheduled to meet next week, the first day of Hanukkah, a day that I’m booked three ways in the evening.  It’s my last day of my conversion class for this trimester.  It’s my “office” party, and it’s the Be’Chol Lashon Hanukkah party/meeting.  I have decided to attend my last conversion class-as Be’chol Lashon is for Jews and I’m still a Jew-in-Training.  They’ll always be there but for some of the students of the conversion class, they’re off to get converted! 

I found Be’Chol Lashon, a resource not only for Jews of Color but a group advocating for diversity in the Jewish community as a whole to try to find other Jews of Color.  I also found the Jewish Multiracial Network and a forum for Jews of Color on the Jews by Choice website.  It was important for me to find other Jews of Color as well as Jews by Choice to get to “know” if only via internet.  I reached out to a black lesbian Jew named Sandra who suggested a few LGBTQ Jewish sites as well.  So now I have them set to memory and saved on my favorites tab and I’m wondering what I can do.  My conversion class rabbi is always reminding us that Judaism is a religion of doing rather a religion of talking.  That phrase actions speak louder than words comes to mind.  I’m learning but I’m wondering what I can do more.

On my other and neglected blog a new reader commented on my homage to the It Gets Better Project.  The reader expressed thanks that I highlighted some of my favorite videos but wondered what we, society, were doing about it.  It made me a bit defensive at first and then I realized that as a Jew I have an obligation to repair the world, Tikkun Olam, in any way that I can.  I read and I’m learning, I’m even doing extra credit!  I have a feeling that when I get paired up with a rabbi at the synagogue, the rabbi I will talk to on a weekly basis (I want weekly not monthly!) will give me suggestions of books to read and I’ll have read them already.  I’m doing all of this learning and my desire to learn, understand, and know more is almost all-consuming but I’m not really doing anything Jewish.

that kippah is on my hanukkah list

I attend synagogue on Friday, I light candles, I kiss my hands to my mezuzah and I wear 2 Hamsas around my neck.  I’m planning my Hanukkah party food, I almost bought another menorah today and I make a mean matzo ball soup.  I feel Jewish but I’m not doing Jewish things.  We’re several months into 5771 and while my learning seems to be expanding with every book I read and every website I visit I wonder what I can do to help the community as a whole.  And when I think of how I can help the Jewish community I’m drawn, naturally, to the niche communities.  I’m drawn to the Jews of Color, I’m drawn to LGBTQ Jews because it is in those communities that I “fit”.  I wrote a blog once about an article in Reform Judaism magazine where two gay Jews were weighing the pros and cons of LGBTQ Jews being included, outright, in the shul.  One argued that inclusion should be natural and wedding announcements for two Jewish congregation members who are gay should go right next to straight announcements.  He argued that it should be a part of the congregation as a whole.  The other debated that there needed to be clear and separate LGBTQ spaces, there should be a LGBTQ Hanukkah party, for instance.  I’m paraphrasing the article completely but I can see both sides.

As a Jew by Choice, a Jew of Color, a Lesbian Jew I can understand the need to be recognized for who you are and also the need to just be seen as a Jew, minus the other labels.  I don’t have that privilege, if you will.  Unless I seek out a black shul I’ll always be the black girl in shul.  I have the option, though, to seek out the LGBTQ shul in NYC and fully intend to in the next few months.  I’m still shul shopping, quite honestly.  In terms of serving my Jewish community I want to be of assistance to people who I feel most connected to.  On the other hand, I can’t think of the Jewish community in small compartmentalized boxes, even though some prefer to do so.

There are two great LGBTQ Jewish online resources I’ve been scoping out lately.  Keshet and Nehirim.  I’m excited to learn more about them and hope to be apart of the work that they do.

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